So it is now 4 am and I can't sleep even after taking 2 sleeping pills because of a discussion my husband had with me before bed. Now don't get me wrong I'm not mad at him, I'm just so unbelievably depressed.
We layed down together getting ready for bed when he told me that it wouldn't be long before we would lose our home, and would be forced to move out. He told me how he brought home approximately $1400 a mth and that did not cover our mthly finances. He told me we have to put off a bill every mth just to squeeze by.
Basically it all boiled down to me having to get a job. Which I understand that I need to, but it hurts, I've been praying that some how it would work out so that I would be able to stay home with my Lexi till she went to school, and now I'm faced with the fact that, that is not possible. I cried so hard begging god to help us so I would not be forced to let someone else raise my baby, that I threw up.
Now I know this may seem to some, over reacting, but putting my life into perspective... it sucks. I've worked hard my entire life. Before I was married I had a job, responsibilities, a car, my own finances. Now since I've been married I was forced to give up my car, I lost my job because I had to move away, it's just everything seemed to do a complete 360 on me and I don't understand why. Now I still have responsibilities but they're different, I haven't worked in about 3 years, which I am grateful for that time and spending it with my baby. I feel like everything I was and how hard I worked to get what I wanted then is nothing short of a forgotten memory.
I have always suffered from severe depression, and lately it seems to have gotten much worse. Despite the fact that I have had all this time off with my daughter, the thought of leaving her now is much more then I can bare. It kills me considering the idea of leaving my daughter with someone else.
For my family I know it's what I need to do, so why is it so hard???
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